Lady Boss

Way back when, I was dating an man who said to me:

“Nancy, you should be an entrepreneur. You’re great with people and you’re a talented designer. You have drive and with a lot of hard work, I know you’ll succeed.”

I was almost in my mid-twenties at the time and I remember distinctly laughing out loud and saying “yeah, OK, I’ll get right on that”; with complete sarcasm of course.  I had no inkling of being an entrepreneur; sure the idea of owning my own company intrigued me, however I lacked what one would call “the passion to jump ship from a 8-5 security”. There was no gusto. No calling to be had.

If you told me then where I am now – I’d probably laugh and say you were crazy. Because, in all honesty, I can’t believe that I’m sitting here and confidently able to say, I have a successful company. To have had a friend who believed in me and ask if I would be interested in designing a custom 4-plex infill.

That’s all it took.

That one project changed something in me;  it sparked a passion and desire I never knew existed. This passion was tapped and it couldn’t be stopped.  I’ve  learnt more about myself in growing my business than I did in my dating life (maybe not entirely true, but almost). Never had I realized just how determined I was. That I could be driven to work hard by the connection and relationships I’ve built with my clients; to learn from trades and contractors; and that at the end of the day, I’m so incredibly happy when my mind is racing with ideas that I can barely catch up with those thoughts as I scribble them down.  All I know, is that I wanted more of it, and more of it came.. and didn’t stop.

That’s the back story. Now, fast forward 3.5 years. This past week I found myself working at least 70 hours within 5 days.. not terrible.. but not great. I had key deadlines to hit on all fronts (keeping in mind I still have my 8-5er) and I was determined to get through it all. So much so, I gave Karl full warning that there may be at least one breakdown within the week. And, sure enough, with minimal to no sleep, no exercise, and probably not the best diet, IT happened. I sat next to Karl on the couch quietly crying to myself. NOT because of the stress or the amount of work I had to do. My confidence in my abilities is quite high (no ego here  ) and I knew I was going to hit my targets.

No, no, I was crying because I felt like a failure of a girlfriend. I was (and most often are) so consumed with wanting to move forward in my career, to build my business, that I most certainly put work first. Which means, Karl is left to do the housework, walk the dog, and right now answer all our contractors questions about the basement renovation. I haven’t helped with any of it.

So in this feeling of failure, which I have learnt over the years actually comes quite easily, its natural for the thoughts to spiral a wee bit out of control; because, why not just kick yourself a little harder when you already feel like crap? Beyond the tears I started questioning, ‘Am I enough?’ Enough as a girlfriend, business owner, designer, sister, friend, etc. etc. . and to make matters worse, we have social media. The evil gremlin of Comparison. I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling “off balance” in managing life & business, I find it incredible that I become glued to my screen.  My thumb just scrolls through all the talented women entrepreneurs out there who are not only killing it in their field, but they also look amazingly fit, have beautifully clean homes, oh ya and they may just have a child (which I don’t, but from what I’ve heard and seen with friends, that in itself is a full time job). Wow. Go Nancy. You can’t even handle managing 70 hours, a fiance and a pup.

Yup, I took it there. Before this quick pity party could get any worse, I did one of my “NANCY PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER” moves.

I pulled out a Brene Brown book.

When in doubt hit the heart with a quote. I’ve shared this one before but I’m going to share it again.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

Step 1: Be Vulnerable. As much as it sucked, I had to acknowledge how petty I was being. Karl sat and listened to all that I was feeling. He talked me down off the ledge and gave me so much comfort in knowing that he was NOT feeling neglected by his girlfriend and that he did appreciate what I was able to contribute while I was so busy. Already I was breathing a bit easier.

But, then I found this doozy:

“When we find the courage to share our experiences and the compassion to hear others tell their stories, we force shame out of hiding and end the silence.”

Step 2: Let go of the shame and stop the comparison. I know this is easier said then done, but we really have stop looking at successful women on IG as competitors and start looking at them as cheerleaders and advocates for all that we believe in!

Step 3: Own your own story and find the courage to share. Today, I’m sharing with you my struggle of balancing life & work, and that yes I, like everyone else, have ‘those days’.

Step 4: Compassion. Wherever you are on your journey in building a business or working on your career, know that what you do is ENOUGH, you as a woman are ENOUGH, and together we are ENOUGH. Because we are all amazing, driven, and successful Lady Boss’ who are out there changing the world, one day and one job at a time.

With Gratitude.

Nancy