Fomo

One quick note before we begin: I wrote this post in July 2018. It is now the end of January 2019. Which means, that until today, this post has been lost in my emails. One might ask, “Why even post it?” Well, I wanted to share this unedited email to myself because by doing so I acknowledge the feelings that existed seven months ago. Reading this post again, reaffirms every decision I have made since I wrote it; I have grown, both personally and professionally. In that, there is vulnerability, education, joy and love. And, why not share something that I feel is beautiful?

Ok. One very real moment coming your way. Right now I’m finding myself in what seems to be a self-inflicted lock down in my office for what will be potentially the next month; which is oddly exciting and I chalk that up to how awesome my projects are. In order to do this (and survive the workaholism) I have to love what I do. And, let’s be honest, I LOVE what I do. It is the kind of love that makes me giddy with excitement when I’m chatting with clients; that makes me feel comfortable enough to ask questions when I really don’t know the answer (because aren’t we all searching for more knowledge?); and, a love that challenges me on a daily basis. In how I think, how I work with others, and how I live my life. It is an all-encompassing love and passion for design that can get me teary eyed at the best of times.

But there’s the other side of it. Too much of a good thing can be overwhelming. It can almost be all consuming and given some recent events I have felt myself retreating, soul searching and self-reflecting. And my findings have me putting this out to other women in the world who might just be in the same situation as me and can relate. So here we go.

The Coles Notes:
I am in my early thirties & very much rooted in my career. I have a loving partner, a beautiful home we created together, and we have a dog. No children. But, LOTS of plans to travel and even more plans on how to grow my business. Oh, and we’re not married.

–> Is there anyone else on the same page as me??

Ok, one more thing to add. Many, if not all, of my closest girlfriends have been with their significant others since our early twenties and they are well on their way with growing their families (which I love). Karl and I met only a couple of years ago.

–> Are you still standing with me? Great.

There are many definitions of success, and although mine has little to do with my business, I would think that I’m a fairly successful business woman. But, after I conducted a little “self-reflection” I discovered the key word in my thoughts was: BUSINESS. Much to my personal dismay, I found out that I actually suck at ‘Life’! … And ‘Balance’? Yup, suck at that too (both physically and literally)!  And why do I suck (yes I know this is a negative word) at it? Because, after all is said and done: I’m avoiding life.

Yup.

You Heard Me.

I’m AVOIDING Life.

Now let me explain. I’m definitely doing all that I can to “live”; case in point, my upcoming three month stint in South America. But, underneath the business building, Girl Guide Volunteer, yogi/fitness wannabe, 24-7 designer/renovator, sister, friend, daughter, and aunt, there’s more to it than I thought. It is what I am calling avoidance. And Loneliness. I definitely don’t take on more work than I can handle, but let’s be honest, I could have quit my 9-5 a long time ago and pursued this gig like a real entrepreneur. And AVOIDANCE is the reason I haven’t yet done so. And this avoidance can come in different avenues for different people; for me, it is work. If I am ‘too’ busy, then then I can avoid the feeling that’s been nagging at me as I’ve spent the last 10 years watching my friends build their lives around me.
It’s that feeling of being left behind. 

Or Rather – The FEAR OF MISSING OUT.

When I discovered this thought and feeling last week, I had to laugh because all of a sudden Oprah was singing in my head “AHA ….. AAAAh HA!” It was definitely an aha moment. The only problem here is that by consuming myself with my passion for design, I’m inadvertently leaving myself behind. I’m standing in my own way of life and I wasn’t even acknowledging it.

Chalk one for Oprah’s AHA Moment.

Prior to turning 31, I’d say I was pretty confident in my life decisions and the path I’ve taken – of course – not without a regret here and there, but all in all it’s been great. After turning 31, it has felt as if working hard in my business isn’t good enough. There’s pressure to get married, to have kids, to “settle down”. If don’t, I might just lose my friends. And, it started to feel as such. I can’t relate to any of the “Does your child do this?” or “What would I do for this?” Mom conversations. Frankly, I can’t relate to being a Mom at all. And, when you’re in a group of all Mom’s, you definitely feel like the odd woman out. But, on the other side of the spectrum, if I start taking on less work, giving more hours to spending time with my friends and their babies, my business doesn’t grow.. then I don’t feel as if I’m doing a good job… WHAT A CONUNDRUM! So, what do you do?

Well, getting married and having kids is not the answer. At least for me it’s not.

But, acknowledging how you might be feeling is an answer! One that I took last week and I’m already feeling the weight being lifted off my shoulders. There are advertisements, magazines, IG quote snaps, to videos telling us women to OWN who we are; to make peace with differences, to stop comparing ourselves to others, and to embrace change.

My life has been AMAZING and most of that is due in part to how AMAZING my friends are. My answer, was to reach out to my friends, to start the conversation. To reach into my happy box of ‘Feel Good’ notes that friends have gifted me over the years. Those notes are affirmations. Despite our lives being at a different pace, the feeling has resonated that we will always still be friends. At age 60 we will be sitting with our grand kids (they’ll probably have great-grand kids because I’ll be late to the game) laughing at all the crazy times we had. Because those times are what life is all about. Creating those memories, perhaps at the moment may seem few and far between, are what life is about.

And, so after my little rant I leave you with a quote from “Lilo and Stitch”
“Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.”
My friends are my family, as I know I am to them. I am not being left behind, but I’m owning my own path, even if it’s a bit different than my friends.

With Gratitude.
– Nancy